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Help You On The Turns

Sun, Mar 2nd, 2008 - 22:48
One summer when I was about 9 my family rented a house in a seaside town in New Brunswick. There was a grounds keeper that lived in a separate building at back of the house. He had overdosed on LSD when he was young and his mind had been permanently altered. As the story goes, someone poured a massive dose of liquid LSD in his drink at a party. My sister and I would have to stifle our laughter when he was around because he was always doing really weird things, as would be expected of anyone on a permanent LSD trip. One of his main things was to frantically speak of 'the trades'. Everything was a 'trade'. The 'welding trade' and the 'farming trade' and the 'golfing trade', so on. One day he was off on a paranoid rant about bombs being planted in our VCRs by the Russians, and he said, "The Trucking Trade, its the Trucking Trade!! In the Trucking Trade you have to ask Jesus to help you on the turns!". I love that sentence.

On another day he walked into the kitchen through the back door with no shirt on, hugging a pile of tomatoes to his chest with a pair of binoculars badly duct taped to his head like a pair of soggy over sized night vision goggles. He walked in, dropped the tomatoes on the kitchen floor then walked back out again without saying a word.